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Portraits of Betty

By Les Proctor on July 27, 2011

On April 28, 2011, Betty Rea Proctor, 96, passed away every bit as gracefully as she lived.

In loving memory of Betty Rea Proctor
By Shirley Bynum Smith, Saint Louis, Missouri

I. Of Betty Rea Proctor (199?)

Woman of perspicacity and poetry.
Keeper of lost art of letter writing, whose list
of correspondents reaches far. Sender of
postcards in elegant script. Witty confidante
and raconteuse. Savors synchonicity,
sees connections, honors friendship
and secrets. Lover of books and booklings,
art and artists, words and wisdom, and
Charlie, of course. Weeps with those
who weep, shares joy with the joyous.
Woman of principle. Mentor. Wise friend.

II. Fourteen Lines

Composed for Mary Elizabeth Rea Proctor
on the Occasion of Her Birthday (1999)

I salute your many gifts.
Some I hold in my hands:
books, photos, letters,
a poem here and there,
a little china Samoyed.
Some I hold in my heart:
you listen, write, inspire,
encourage. Some I guess at:
time and money honoring others’
accomplishments, not your own.
You dare to make your deep self
known through words, laughter,
small acts of kindness, and you are loved
by many if not understood by all.

III. Addendum (2011)

For years
I’ve kept
Two photos
Above my desk:
Two women,
One young,
The other in her eighties,
Both perched on chairs,
Graceful, smiling at the camera.
They are not so different,
These two, the light in their eyes
Equally eager: the young innocent,
The older trusting, deserving
Our protection and regard.
I did not know the younger
Except through the older,
The woman who loved words
And saw the poetry in mine.
How many others she graced
With her own words,
Meticulously thought out
And artfully penned,
I cannot begin to count,
But this I know:
In her old age, at the end,
She did not lose her words.
She had given them away.

Betty Rea Proctor

Here is a picture of my beloved grandmother, “My Bobbie” with a group of her dearest friends, “The Booklings“, celebrating her 90th birthday on January 29th, 2005. The Booklings from left to right: Sabra Tull Meyers, Petch Peden, Carole Patterson (kneeling), Betty Burdick, Betty Proctor (sitting), Laura Perez Mesa, Barbara Davis (kneeling), Teeny Gibbons.

Posted in Causes, Inspiration, People | Tagged April Fools Day, Beloved Grandmother, living with purpose, Practical Joke | Leave a response

My Bobbie “Succeeded”

By Les Proctor on April 29, 2011

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of
intelligent people and affection of children; to learn the
appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of
false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in
others; to leave the world a little bit better, whether by
a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social
condition; to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

On April 28, 2011, my beloved Grandmother, Betty Rea Proctor, 96, passed away every bit as gracefully as she lived.

Betty Rea Proctor

~~~

My parents were very young…, Mom & Dad were 20 and 19 respectively, when I was born, and at that time, my grandparents felt they were too young to go by the moniker Grandma or Grandpa…, so they insisted that I call them by their first names.

“Betty” came out “Bobbie”, and she must have loved it, because the name stuck.

I had the good fortune to live with “Bobbie” and my grandfather “Charlie” at their home at 410 S Glenwood in Columbia, Missouri, for the end of Kindergarten and 1st grade…, immediately following my parents’ divorce.

April Fool’s Day as a Teachable Moment

My favorite memory of ”Bobbie” relates to a practical joke we played on my grandfather Charlie Proctor when I was in 1st grade on April 1, 1968.

Everything was a teachable moment for Bobbie, so for April Fool’s Day, she wanted to teach me how to play a practical joke on someone. And this particular day that someone was my Grandfather.

In this instance, even though it wasn’t his Birthday, we wrapped a gift for my beloved grandfather “Charlie”.

The “gift”? It was one of his old shoes!!

When Charlie came home from work that day, you can imagine how surprised he was to receive a gift”:

“After all, ” he said: “It’s not even even my birthday. It’s April Fool’s Day!!”

With great fanfare I was charged to present him his “gift”, and we just laughed and laughed when he shook the box to to see if he could guess what was inside:

Shake shake shake: “Golf balls?” “No.” “Ha, ha, ha…”

Shake shake shake: “Fishing lure?” “No.” “Ha, ha, ha, ha…”

“Ok I give up.” ”Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…”

Finally, my Grandfather ripped open the packaging, and with great surprise he expressed his gratitude for… what could it be… except one of his one of his old shoes?

Of course. “I should have guessed.”

And then, he expressed his dissappointment that he only received one shoe:

“Where is the other one? What am I going to do with just one shoe?” “Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…”

My grandmother just laughed and laughed and said:

“We’re going to save it, so next year we’ll wrap another gift, and you can have a matching pair!!” And then we all laughed and laughed: “Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…”

When the laughter subsided a little bit, Charlie remarked again that he was somewhat dissapointed because she took away the element of surprise.

“If I receive another gift next April 1st…, I’m already going to know what it is…, so don’t bother.” And we all laughed and laughed. “Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…”

It was so much fun.

Bobbie and Charlie got along so well together. This is just one example of the knee-slapping humor and repartee that enlivened the Proctor Household at 410 South Glenwood in Columbia, Missouri.

A Down to Earth Intellect

Mary Elizabeth Rea Proctor My Bobbie…, she brought so much joy, wisdom, and love to the world.

With a correspondance that rivaled Catherine the Great or maybe Thomas Jefferson, her wit and intellect brightened the world of everyone in her sphere.

She loved her family dearly. And she loved and celebrated her friends. She will live ever in my memory as a caring, loving, intelligent, beautiful woman effervescing with kindness and laughter.

Here is a picture of my Bobbie as a young woman: “Mary Elizabeth Rea“.

If Mr. Emerson’s famous poem is the yardstick by which we can measure a person’s success in life, then by every account, my beloved Bobbie succeeded.

Posted in Causes, Inspiration, People | Tagged April Fools Day, Beloved Grandmother, living with purpose, Practical Joke | Leave a response

The Scottish Marches

By Les Proctor on September 17, 2009

The service records survive because the English exchequer had a very modern obsession with wanting to be sure that the government’s money was being spent as intended.” ~ Dr. Adrian Bell, The University of Reading

A Medieval Soldier

The ‘Scottish Marches’ is the border country on both sides of the border between Scotland and England. From the Norman conquest of England until the reign of James VI of Scotland (who also became James I of England), border clashes were common and the monarchs of both countries relied on March Lords to defend the frontier areas known as the Marches.

One of my ancestors, Geoffery Proctor of Bordley, North Yorkshire was a yeoman/farmer, and the Treasurer for Henry Algernon Percy, the 6th Earl of Northumberland.

Before that, geneologically speaking, the trail went cold…, until recently. When Joe Proctor, the system administrator for the Proctor Geneaology website House of Proctor emailed me to let me know about Medieval Soldiers’ records recently release by the UK. The detailed service records of 250,000 medieval soldiers, including archers and men-at-arms, who served with Henry V at the Battle of Agincourt, have gone online.

‘Remarkable Survival’

“The website is the product of a research project by Professor Anne Curry of the University of Southampton and Dr Adrian Bell of the University of Reading. Dr Bell said: ‘The service records survive because the English exchequer had a very modern obsession with wanting to be sure that the government’s money was being spent as intended. Therefore we have the remarkable survival of indentures for service detailing the forces to be raised, muster rolls showing this service and naming every soldier from duke to archer.’”

The Soldier in later Medieval England: An exciting new AHRC research project

Muster roll database

Henry Percy, 1st Earl of Northumberland

The online muster roll database currently holds just under 90,000 service records. These are taken from muster rolls, housed in The National Archives (TNA), for the years 1369 – 1453.

If you do a search for “Proctour” you find:

William Proctour, Man-at-arms, Commander: Henry Percy, Earl of Northumberland 1383 – 1385, Scottish Marches, BL_Cotton_Roll_XIII.8 m4

So that would explain the relationship between the Proctors and the Percys. William Proctour was a Man-at-arms for Henry Percy, the Earl of Northumberland.

Posted in People | Tagged geneaology | Leave a response

Nether Bordley, North Yorkshire

By Les Proctor on September 17, 2009

Henry Algernon Percy

John Graye Proctor was the first Proctor in the New World, and arrived aboard the two pinnances that were built from the shipwreck of the Sea Venture, arriving in Jamestown in 1610.

Tracing John Graye’s line back a few generations, his great-grandfather was Geoffery Proctor of Bordley, North Yorkshire. Geoffery was a devout Catholic who attended Rhylstone Church in the Ancient Parrish of Burnshall, and was a tenant of Fountains Abbey, and a treasurer to Henry Percy Algernon, the 5th Earl of Northumberland (who at one point was betrothed to Ann Boleyn).

Geoffery Proctor was a yeoman/gentleman farmer, a devout Catholic and “Procurator”, whose family had amassed a great estate in “feoffes”, with lands he managed in Litton, Owlcoottes, Hawkeswike and Scothorp in Craven… as well as Bordley, which “feoffes” he bequeathed to his sons at the time of his death 1523. Most of these came into dispute when the Statute of Uses converted all “use” titles into legal “equitable” titles. Henry the VIII became the owner of all the lands of the Catholic Church with the Dissolution of the Monasteries, which would have put his descendants (and my ancestors) right in the middle of the Pilgramage of Grace.

Nether Bordley, North Yorkshire

Here is a picture of Bordley that I found on Google, in Craven, Yorkshire… near Malhamdale, in the Yorkshire Dales, which are reputed to be some of the most breathtaking vistas on the planet. The Pilgramage of Grace was romanticized in “The White Doe of Rylstone or, The fate of the Nortons” in 1815 by William Wordsworth.

More information about Geoffery Proctor’s very interesting will can be found at: http://www.kirkbymalham.info/KMI/bordley/morkillprocter.html

Posted in People | Tagged geneaology | 2 Responses

We’re all Americans now…

By Les Proctor on September 16, 2009

We’re all Republicans now. We’re all Federalists now.” ~ Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson

Are we every going to move beyond demogoguery and ideological stalemate?

Are our elected representatives ever going to be able to work together constructively to do the will of the American people?

Is the United States a democracy “of the people, by the people, for the people”, or is it an oligarchy “of corporate interests, by corporate interests, and for corporate interests?”

Perhaps our representatives on both sides of the aisle, and the journalists whose opinions that pass as news should stop shouting long enough to remember Thomas Jefferson’s words from the very 1st inaugural address.

His words are very much in the spirit of Barry Goldwater, when he said “To disagree, one doesn’t have to be disagreeable”.

If we are a society of people like the one that I imagined I grew up in…, a people that cares about ideas and ideals…, a people that cares about our neighbors…, a people that cares for those who cannot take care of themselves…, there is one word that will solve our problem:

Respect.”

Let’s stop the personal attacks. And let’s start showing some respect.

Respect for elders. Respect for our neighbors. Respect for the other guy. Respect for ourselves. Respect for the truth. Respect for our world.

Let us, then, restore civility to our civic discourse (“without which liberty and life itself are but dreary things“), and let us show the world we are still the world’s best hope.

Let’s show some respect, and (1) work together to take responsibility for our country’s problems, (2) implement practical ideas that will build the foundation for a society that cares about our world and the people who live in it, and (3) give ourselves the chance to create real opportunities for sustainable growth.

We owe it to ourselves, our children, and future generations of Americans.

~~~

The 1st Inaugral Address, by Thomas Jefferson, 1801

[...] “All, too, will bear in mind this sacred principle, that though the will of the majority is in all cases to prevail, that will to be rightful must be reasonable; that the minority possess their equal rights, which equal law must protect, and to violate would be oppression.

Let us, then, fellow-citizens, unite with one heart and one mind. Let us restore to social intercourse that harmony and affection without which liberty and even life itself are but dreary things. And let us reflect that, having banished from our land that religious intolerance under which mankind so long bled and suffered, we have yet gained little if we countenance a political intolerance as despotic, as wicked, and capable of as bitter and bloody persecutions.

During the throes and convulsions of the ancient world, during the agonizing spasms of infuriated man, seeking through blood and slaughter his long-lost liberty, it was not wonderful that the agitation of the billows should reach even this distant and peaceful shore; that this should be more felt and feared by some and less by others, and should divide opinions as to measures of safety.

But every difference of opinion is not a difference of principle. We have called by different names brethren of the same principle. We are all Republicans, we are all Federalists. If there be any among us who would wish to dissolve this Union or to change its republican form, let them stand undisturbed as monuments of the safety with which error of opinion may be tolerated where reason is left free to combat it.

I know, indeed, that some honest men fear that a republican government can not be strong, that this Government is not strong enough; but would the honest patriot, in the full tide of successful experiment, abandon a government which has so far kept us free and firm on the theoretic and visionary fear that this Government, the world’s best hope, may by possibility want energy to preserve itself? I trust not. I believe this, on the contrary, the strongest Government on earth.” [...]

~ Thomas Jefferson, First Inaugural Address, March 1, 1801

Posted in Causes, Featured, Inspiration | Tagged civility, decorum, living with purpose, mercy, take our country back | Leave a response

Never forget (what we’re fighting for…)

By Les Proctor on September 11, 2009

“We highly resolve [...] that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”

On June 1, 1865, Senator Charles Sumner commented on what is now considered the most famous speech by President Abraham Lincoln, what is universally known as “The Gettysburg Address.”

Considered perhaps the most important speech ever delivered on American soil, it was delivered at the dedication of the Soldiers’ National Cemetery in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, on the afternoon of Thursday, November 19, 1863, during the American Civil War, four and a half months after the Union armies defeated the armies of Confederacy at the decisive Battle of Gettysburg.

Containing only 271 words, and taking less than 3 minutes, Lincoln invoked the principles of human equality espoused by our founding fathers in the Declaration of Independence, and positioned the Civil War as a struggle not only for the Union, but for ”a new birth of freedom” that would deliver the promise of true equality to all of its citizens — creating a unified nation in which states’ rights were no longer dominant.

In his eulogy, Sumner called The Gettysburg Address a “monumental act.” He said Lincoln was mistaken that “the world will little note, nor long remember what we say here.” Rather, he remarked: “The world noted at once what he said, and will never cease to remember it. The battle itself was less important than the speech.”

Let’s resolve that we will always remember the battle and the speech, the war that started it, and that our honored dead shall not have died in vain… that “this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”

Call your Senators and your Elected Representive today, and remind them that the United States is a democracy “of the people, by the people, for the people,” and not an oligarchy of corporate interests, by corporate interests, and for corporate interests.

U.S. Senators | US Representatives

~~~

The Gettysburg Address

Lincoln: "The Gettysburg Address"

“Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate — we can not consecrate — we can not hallow — this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced.

It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”

Posted in Causes, Featured, Inspiration | Tagged living with purpose, take our country back | Leave a response

“The Story of a Soul”

By Les Proctor on August 4, 2009

St Therese of Lisieux

With little formal schooling other than her primary studies at Benedictine Abbey of Notre Dame du Pre; and supplemented greatly by the the lights and graces that were showered on her from above, St. Therese is now a Doctor of the Church. She is only one of three women to receive this distinction.

Surrounded by love, and a strong catholic family and culture, she grew up with an irresistable desire to be a Carmelite Nun, and lived every day with the conviction she would be a Saint, finding joy in suffering and sacrifice.

She teaches us that it is not necessary to accomplish heroic acts, or great deeds, in order to attain holiness and to express our love for God. We can do it every day by practicing perfection in the the little things we do.

Story of a Soul: The Autobiography of St. Therese of Lisieux, Third Edition, by Therese de Lisieux, Edited by John Clarke. See what others are saying about this book on Amazon.com

Posted in Books, Inspiration | Tagged great books, saints | Leave a response

The American Goldfinch

By Les Proctor on August 4, 2009

"Papa's favorite bird"

The American Goldfinch is one of the most beautiful birds I’ve ever seen.

You can recognize it by its bright yellow body, black wings with white stripes, and black cap and forehead.

It is migratory, ranging from southern Canada to North Carolina during the breeding season, and from just south of the Canadian border to Mexico during the winter.

It is my favorite bird, and takes my breath away each time I see one dining on the thistles that are growing on the side of our house.

Posted in Featured, Inspiration | Tagged around the house | Leave a response

“How do I look?”

By Les Proctor on August 4, 2009

Without a doubt, this is the best line, in a movie, of all time.

"You look great!"

The line is from “Papillon“, starring Steve McQueen in the title role, and Dustin Hoffman as his amiable, four-eyed sidekick.

Based on the true story of Henri Charriere, “Papillon” is a petty thief, who is unjustly convicted of murder and sentenced to life to a penal colony in French Guyana. The plot thickens when Papillon, who is determined to escape, fails repeatedly, resulting in recapture, and several incarcerations in solitary confinement, and finally in complete isolation.

In solitary confinement, Papillon’s only contact with others is once a day when a guard delivers a pot of water and a bowl of gruel. Once a month he sticks his head through an opening in the door to be deloused. In the early days of his incarceration, a haggard old man in the cell next to him asks: ”How do I look?” It was clear that Papillon’s prisonmate was completely broken and very near death. So Papillon charitably responds: “You look great!”

At the periodic delousing several months later, Papillon sees his new prisonmate (who has presumably replaced the previous one who died). This time it’s Papillon who appears emaciated, teeth rotting, eyes sunken back into his head (but somehow still gleaming), clearly very close to death. Papillon asks asks: “How do I look?” His new friend looks at him and responds: “You look great.” This is when he knows he’s in big trouble.

The big takeaway

The lesson here is that by the time people stop complaining about the timeliness or quality of your work, how you smell, or how you look, or whatever — it’s over. It’s too late.

So if your boss is giving you a hard time. Take encouragement. You’re not out the door yet. Don’t be offended. Don’t be insulted. Get your ass in gear. If your customer is complaining…, consider yourself really lucky because statistics show 1 out of 7 walk and never come back, and they never say a word. If your girlfriend is crying…., be happy there is still hope. Take her shopping, and buy her something, unless she’s crying because you’re not making enough money in which case, get your ass out the door and go get a 2nd job to make the poor girl happy. If your mate begrudgingly cuts a small space, with an exacto knife, for you to sleep in the conjugal bed…, jump for joy, and shout “Hallelujah, Hallelujah!” because you are still alive to see another day. You’ve got another day to do whatever it takes.

The key is to recognize that what you’re perceiving as ‘someone giving you a hard time’ should really be a wake-up call.

Don’t take it personally. Just get out of the way.

This is the same principle behind Judo. It’s ‘surrendering to the universe’ in yoga. It’s accepting who you are as you are rather than continually seeking to transform yourself. It’s taking whatever life throws at you and rolling with the punches. It’s ‘turning the other cheek’.

Anyway…, that, dear reader, i.e., the secret of knowing how to live with whatever life throws at you, was the gleam in Steve McQueen’s eye. And, that, is also thankfully, the gleam in mine. And that is what makes this the best line, in a movie, of all time. Tell me I’m wrong.

“How do I look?”

Posted in Inspiration, Video | Tagged great lines, great movies, living with purpose | 2 Responses

‘Doing your best is a process of trying to do your best’

By Les Proctor on August 3, 2009

“Why do you write only sad songs?” someone once asked the legendary Townes Van Zandt. “Well…, many of the songs…, they aren’t sad…, they’re hopeless,” he affirmed.

Townes and Seymour

If you’re going to sing and play the blues, you might as well be the best that you can be. Maybe that’s why Townes Van Zandt is revered as a Texas Bluesman. Here is a video clip of him playing “Pancho & Lefty” for an intimate group of friends. This song later became a number one country hit in 1983 when Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson adopted it as the title track of their duet album “Pancho & Lefty”.

Van Zandt is remembered as a gifted songwriter who left a legacy of songs that inspired, and continues to inspire, musicians of of much wider acclaim and repute than he; really a musician’s musician. Influential in the sub-genre referred to as “outlaw country”, his style really makes you feel just how big Texas really is (it’s the size of 5 average “other” western states).

“Doing your best is a process of trying to do your best,” he was once quoted in “Zen Guitar.”

Posted in Inspiration, Video | Tagged townes van zandt | Leave a response