When I was attending “The University” of Texas at Austin in the mid-eighties, I discovered “Chili Frito Pie.” 

Chili Frito Pie

Now if you’ve ever spent any time in Texas, you know that Chili is a really big deal. Anyway, I wanted to share my own very unique recipe that I’ve developed myself over the years with you.  I call it “Les’s West Texas Red Chili Frito Pie” (be sure to pronounce it slowly with a drawl).

Although I disclaim that “West Texas” and the “Red” parts are misnomers, because a bona fide West Texan would never make chili with beans in it, “cause you don’t cook no beans with your chili.” Oh well…, ya gotta know the rules to break ‘em. Here’s my recipe and I’m stickin’ to it (and I hope you enjoy it).

Ingredients for Chili:

2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 lb. ground beef
2 large chopped onions
A couple cloves of minced garlic
1 package pre-sliced mushrooms
1 big can of diced tomatoes
1 extra big can of kidney beans
1 beef bouillon cube
A mess of chili powder
Some garlic powder
Some cumin
Some paprika
Some cayenne pepper
Some salt and pepper

The secret ingredient: A Bud Longneck

Additional Ingredients:

A big bag of Fritos
Grated sharp cheddar cheese
Some sour cream

Directions:

Heat the oil in a big pot. Add the ground beef and brown a little. Add the onions, garlic, and mushrooms and sauté until meat is thoroughly browned. Stir in the tomatoes and kidney beans, as well as the garlic powder, bouillon cube, the mess of chili powder, cumin, and paprika. Add the secret ingredient (the bottle o’ bud) and bring to a boil over medium high heat. Then reduce heat to medium-low and simmer, uncovered for about an hour. Season with salt, pepper, and cayenne pepper. Serve with cheddar cheese and sour cream, and the rest of the Bud Longnecks.

If you have never done this before, and you follow my directions, I guarantee you this will be the best chili experience you’ve ever had. This is the way it’s really done:

1. Put a handful of the fritos in your bowl
2. Add a scoop or three of chili (adjust to taste / level of hunger)
3. Top with cheddar cheese sour cream
4. Grab a spoon and start eatin’

And, for the finishing touch, serve the longnecks out of an ice-filled bucket.

Merle Haggard and Willy Nelson are optional but strongly recommended.

Just hook ‘em!

Le lac de Neuchatel

Just after High School in the early eighties, I lived for an all too short while in Neuchatel, Switzerland to study French Literature and Poetry. While I was there I read, among many other things, almost the entire ‘Human Comedy’ by Honore de Balzac.

One of the things Neuchatel is famed for–other than its hospitality, clockmaking, chocolate, and banking–is its fondue.

What I miss the most about the Swiss is the structured formality of their greetings. They are so good at acknowleding one another. “Bonjour Monsieur! Comment ca va?” As a kid aged 19 years old, I wasn’t used to people addressing me as “Mister”. It was nice.

Another thing, the Swiss really know how to entertain around a table–and they truly enjoy each others’ company. La Fondue Neuchateloise is an experience like no other.

When people say ‘Swiss Fondue’ they’re really talking about:

“La Fondue Neuchateloise”

"La Fondue Neuchateloise"

Ingredients:
10 ounces white wine dry
2 cloves garlic
12 ounces Emmentaler cheese
12 ounces Gruyere cheese
3 teaspoons cornstarch
4 ounces Kirschenwasser*
Pepper to taste
Nutmeg, ground fresh
a day old loaf of bread white, cubed
* Kirschenwasser is a clear, dry-tasting, firewater (alcool-fort like Grappa), and is not to be confused with “cherry brandy”, which is dark and sweet.

Directions (Serves Four)
In Neuchatel, fondue is usually prepared in a “caquelon”, an earthenware casserole with a handle, and glazed on the inside. Rub the inside of the pan with the cloves of garlic halved, and let it dry. Pour the wine in the casserole and bring it to a slow boil. Slowly start adding cheese to the boiling wine, and stir contstantly until the cheese is dissolved, then add more. When all the cheese is melted (this is where the word ‘fondue’ comes from; “fondre”–to melt), you mix the kirsch and the corstarch, adding the mixture to the cheese–stirring over the heat until the the cheese comes to a slow boil again. Add freshly ground pepper and nutmeg. Remove the dish from the stove and place onto the top of a small live flame (Sterno or alcohol burner) and keep it bubbling slowly.

The day-old bread should be cubed–about 1-inch cubes–for spearing with fondue forks and stirring around in the cheese. Now the fun really begins. The local custom is that if you accidentally lose your bread in the cheese from the end of your fork–if you’re a guy, you have to buy a round of drinks for the table: if you’re a gal, you have to kiss everybody.

Warning: Do not drink water with fondue — it will curdle the cheese in your stomach. Drink white wine, a really dry Cortaillod is the best. It’s got little bubbles at the bottom they call “etoiles” or stars. Or you can drink hot tea.

Another fun part of the whole protocol is the “coup d’midi”, or “shot in the middle”. It’s a shot of kirsch, knocked straight back in the middle of the meal–sure to add hair to your chest. Ladies add a sugur cube or a ‘canard’ to attenuate the strength of the liquor. The crust that forms at the bottom of the pot is called the “crouton”, and is very nice peeled off and divvied up among the guests, as they move on to finish their wine–and dessert and coffee.