In loving memory of Betty Rea Proctor
By Shirley Bynum Smith, Saint Louis, Missouri

I. Of Betty Rea Proctor (199?)

Woman of perspicacity and poetry.
Keeper of lost art of letter writing, whose list
of correspondents reaches far. Sender of
postcards in elegant script. Witty confidante
and raconteuse. Savors synchonicity,
sees connections, honors friendship
and secrets. Lover of books and booklings,
art and artists, words and wisdom, and
Charlie, of course. Weeps with those
who weep, shares joy with the joyous.
Woman of principle. Mentor. Wise friend.

II. Fourteen Lines

Composed for Mary Elizabeth Rea Proctor
on the Occasion of Her Birthday (1999)

I salute your many gifts.
Some I hold in my hands:
books, photos, letters,
a poem here and there,
a little china Samoyed.
Some I hold in my heart:
you listen, write, inspire,
encourage. Some I guess at:
time and money honoring others’
accomplishments, not your own.
You dare to make your deep self
known through words, laughter,
small acts of kindness, and you are loved
by many if not understood by all.

III. Addendum (2011)

For years
I’ve kept
Two photos
Above my desk:
Two women,
One young,
The other in her eighties,
Both perched on chairs,
Graceful, smiling at the camera.
They are not so different,
These two, the light in their eyes
Equally eager: the young innocent,
The older trusting, deserving
Our protection and regard.
I did not know the younger
Except through the older,
The woman who loved words
And saw the poetry in mine.
How many others she graced
With her own words,
Meticulously thought out
And artfully penned,
I cannot begin to count,
But this I know:
In her old age, at the end,
She did not lose her words.
She had given them away.

Here is a picture of my beloved grandmother, “My Bobbie” with a group of her dearest friends, “The Booklings“, celebrating her 90th birthday on January 29th, 2005.  The Booklings from left to right: Sabra Tull Meyers, Petch Peden, Carole Patterson (kneeling), Betty Burdick, Betty Proctor (sitting), Laura Perez Mesa, Barbara Davis (kneeling), Teeny Gibbons.

On April 28, 2011, my beloved Grandmother, Betty Rea Proctor, 96, passed away every bit as gracefully as she lived. 

Here is a picture of my beloved grandmother, “My Bobbie” with a group of her dearest friends, “The Booklings“, celebrating her 90th birthday on January 29th, 2005.  The Booklings from left to right: Sabra Tull Meyers, Petch Peden, Carole Patterson (kneeling), Betty Burdick, Betty Proctor (sitting), Laura Perez Mesa, Barbara Davis (kneeling), Teeny Gibbons.

~~~

My parents were very young…, Mom & Dad were 20 and 19 respectively, when I was born, and at that time, my grandparents felt they were too young to go by the moniker Grandma or Grandpa…, so they insisted that I call them by their first names.

“Betty” came out “Bobbie”, and she must have loved it, because the name stuck.

I had the good fortune to live with “Bobbie” and my grandfather “Charlie” at their home at 410 S Glenwood in Columbia, Missouri, for the end of Kindergarten and 1st grade…, immediately following my parents’ divorce.

April Fool’s Day as a Teachable Moment

My favorite memory of ”Bobbie” relates to a practical joke we played on my grandfather Charlie Proctor when I was in 1st grade on April 1, 1968. 

Everything was a teachable moment for Bobbie, so for April Fool’s Day, she wanted to teach me how to play a practical joke on someone. And this particular day that someone was my Grandfather.

In this instance, even though it wasn’t his Birthday, we wrapped a gift for my beloved grandfather “Charlie”.

The “gift”? It was one of his old shoes!!

When Charlie came home from work that day, you can imagine how surprised he was to receive a gift”: 

“After all, ” he said: “It’s not even even my birthday. It’s April Fool’s Day!!”

With great fanfare I was charged to present him his “gift”, and we  just laughed and laughed when he shook the box to to see if he could guess what was inside:

Shake shake shake: “Golf balls?” “No.” “Ha, ha, ha…”

Shake shake shake: “Fishing lure?” “No.” “Ha, ha, ha, ha…”

“Ok I give up.”  ”Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…”

Finally, my Grandfather ripped open the packaging, and with great surprise he expressed his gratitude for… what could it be… except one of his one of his old shoes?

Of course. “I should have guessed.”

And then, he expressed his dissappointment that he only received one shoe:

“Where is the other one? What am I going to do with just one shoe?” “Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…”

My grandmother just laughed and laughed and said:

“We’re going to save it, so next year we’ll wrap another gift, and you can have a matching pair!!” And then we all laughed and laughed: “Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…”

When the laughter subsided a little bit, Charlie remarked again that he was somewhat dissapointed because she took away the element of surprise.

“If I receive another gift next April 1st…, I’m already going to know what it is…, so don’t bother.” And we all laughed and laughed. “Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…”

It was so much fun.

Bobbie and Charlie got along so well together. This is just one example of the knee-slapping humor and repartee that enlivened the Proctor Household at 410 South Glenwood in Columbia, Missouri.

A Down to Earth Intellect

My Bobbie…, she brought so much joy, wisdom, and love to the world.

With a correspondance that rivaled Catherine the Great or maybe Thomas Jefferson, her wit and intellect brightened the world of everyone in her sphere.

She loved her family dearly. And she loved and celebrated her friends.  She will live ever in my memory as a caring, loving, intelligent, beautiful woman effervescing with kindness and laughter.

Here is a picture of my Bobbie as a young woman: “Mary Elizabeth Rea“.

If Mr. Emerson’s famous poem is the yardstick by which we can measure a person’s success in life, then by every account, my beloved Bobbie succeeded.

We’re all Republicans now. We’re all Federalists now.” ~ Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson

Are we every going to move beyond demogoguery and ideological stalemate?

Are our elected representatives ever going to be able to work together constructively to do the will of the American people?

Is the United States a democracy “of the people, by the people, for the people”, or is it an oligarchy “of corporate interests, by corporate interests, and for corporate interests?”

Perhaps our representatives on both sides of the aisle, and the journalists whose opinions that pass as news should stop shouting long enough to remember Thomas Jefferson’s words from the very 1st inaugural address.

His words are very much in the spirit of Barry Goldwater, when he said “To disagree, one doesn’t have to be disagreeable”. 

If we are a society  of people like the one that I imagined I grew up in…, a people that cares about ideas and ideals…, a people that cares about our neighbors…, a people that cares for those who cannot take care of themselves…, there is one word that will solve our problem:

Respect.”

Let’s stop the personal attacks. And let’s start showing some respect.

Respect for elders. Respect for our neighbors. Respect for the other guy. Respect for ourselves. Respect for the truth. Respect for our world.

Let us, then, restore civility to our civic discourse (“without which liberty and life itself are but dreary things“), and let us show the world we are still the world’s best hope. 

Let’s show some respect, and (1) work together to take responsibility for our country’s problems, (2) implement practical ideas that will build the foundation for a society that cares about our world and the people who live in it, and (3) give ourselves the chance to create real opportunities for sustainable growth.

We owe it to ourselves, our children, and future generations of Americans.

~~~

The 1st Inaugral Address, by Thomas Jefferson, 1801

[...] “All, too, will bear in mind this sacred principle, that though the will of the majority is in all cases to prevail, that will to be rightful must be reasonable; that the minority possess their equal rights, which equal law must protect, and to violate would be oppression.

Let us, then, fellow-citizens, unite with one heart and one mind. Let us restore to social intercourse that harmony and affection without which liberty and even life itself are but dreary things. And let us reflect that, having banished from our land that religious intolerance under which mankind so long bled and suffered, we have yet gained little if we countenance a political intolerance as despotic, as wicked, and capable of as bitter and bloody persecutions.

During the throes and convulsions of the ancient world, during the agonizing spasms of infuriated man, seeking through blood and slaughter his long-lost liberty, it was not wonderful that the agitation of the billows should reach even this distant and peaceful shore; that this should be more felt and feared by some and less by others, and should divide opinions as to measures of safety.

But every difference of opinion is not a difference of principle. We have called by different names brethren of the same principle. We are all Republicans, we are all Federalists. If there be any among us who would wish to dissolve this Union or to change its republican form, let them stand undisturbed as monuments of the safety with which error of opinion may be tolerated where reason is left free to combat it.

I know, indeed, that some honest men fear that a republican government can not be strong, that this Government is not strong enough; but would the honest patriot, in the full tide of successful experiment, abandon a government which has so far kept us free and firm on the theoretic and visionary fear that this Government, the world’s best hope, may by possibility want energy to preserve itself? I trust not. I believe this, on the contrary, the strongest Government on earth.”  [...]

~ Thomas Jefferson, First Inaugural Address, March 1, 1801

“We highly resolve [...] that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”

On June 1, 1865, Senator Charles Sumner commented on what is now considered the most famous speech by President Abraham Lincoln, what is universally known as “The Gettysburg Address.” 

Considered perhaps the most important speech ever delivered on American soil, it was delivered at the dedication of the Soldiers’ National Cemetery in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, on the afternoon of Thursday, November 19, 1863, during the American Civil War, four and a half months after the Union armies defeated the armies of Confederacy at the decisive Battle of Gettysburg.

Containing only 271 words, and taking less than 3 minutes, Lincoln invoked the principles of human equality espoused by our founding fathers in the Declaration of Independence, and positioned the Civil War as a struggle not only for the Union, but for ”a new birth of freedom” that would deliver the promise of true equality to all of its citizens — creating a unified nation in which states’ rights were no longer dominant.

In his eulogy, Sumner called The Gettysburg Address a “monumental act.”  He said Lincoln was mistaken that “the world will little note, nor long remember what we say here.” Rather, he remarked: “The world noted at once what he said, and will never cease to remember it. The battle itself was less important than the speech.”

Let’s resolve that we will always remember the battle and the speech, the war that started it, and that our honored dead shall not have died in vain… that “this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”

Call your Senators and your Elected Representive today, and remind them that the United States is a democracy “of the people, by the people, for the people,” and not an oligarchy of corporate interests, by corporate interests, and for corporate interests.

U.S. Senators | US Representatives 

~~~

The Gettysburg Address

Lincoln: "The Gettysburg Address"

“Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate — we can not consecrate — we can not hallow — this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here.  It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced.

It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”

Donors Choose

If you make it a habit to donate money to charity, my wife found one of the best charities we’ve ever discovered. It’s called Donors Choose.

You give. They deliver. Your donation changes lives.

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Let’s show these students we believe in their college dreams – and make sure they have college prep books, science equipment, literature and math textbooks waiting for them when they head back back to high school in the fall.

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This is not Love, perhaps,
Love that lays down its life,
That many waters cannot quench,
Nor the floods drown,
But something written in lighter ink,
Said in a lower tone, something, perhaps, especially our own.

A need, at times, to be together and talk,
And then the finding we can walk
More firmly through dark narrow places,
And meet more easily nightmare faces;
A need to reach out, sometimes, hand to hand,
And then find Earth less like an alien land;
A need for alliance to defeat
The whisperers at the corner of the street.

A need for inns on roads, islands in seas,
Halts for discoveries to be shared,
Maps checked, notes compared;
A need, at times, of each for each,
Direct as the need of throat and tongue for speech.